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[Dec. 7th, 2009|05:23 am] |
the way I see it, the things I missed out on outweigh the experiences I've had.
regret regret regret, shut up shut up shut up |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2009|05:21 am] |
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this was dumb. why did I come here? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2009|05:15 am] |
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feeling defeated and want out |
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| things and things going on |
[Nov. 16th, 2009|05:10 pm] |
computer is all better, didn't pay anything to get it fixed, also didn't lose anything.
gave myself an awful/awesome haircut because I don't give a fuck duh.
went to paris with ben and saw morrissey and life ruled.
and we ate so much expensive vegetarian food. and drank lots of coffee
and I managed to not buy anything from apc, even though I went to two different apc stores and kept trying to find this one dress that I cannot afford. it didn't fit.
took a sad train back to rotterdam.
been slaving over this book for graphic design and I honestly don't know if it will be done by wednesday to be printed. (but at the same time, I am excited about it being made and I enjoy making it and I like it)
been slacking on my other projects a lot.
ate a lot of korean food my roommate made last night.
then puked it up at 4 am while also suffering from a throbbing headache.
this was after video chatting with my mom at 3:30 am, complaning about how shitty I felt.
sat up for another two hours watching internet tv and feeling a bit better.
still managed to go to a full day of classes.
the GD exchange students set up a show this afternoon. since I don't actually make graphic design, I just hung up some drawings and photos and zines.
max lewis is a dumb idiot but I still talk to him because he is always hanging out with my roommates and he's also from mica. but he hates baltimore, which makes him a dumb idiot.
26 days until ben is in rotterdam again!
and then he goes back to chicago/baltimore and I am sososo jealous.
but just a day or two after he leaves, my family comes to amsterdam!
gonna see a ballet on christmas day!
coming back to the states the day before my birthday.
ben and my parents arranging for ben to be there when I come back!
I really want a pair of clarks desert boots.
meals consisting of biscuits + peanut butter + store brand nutella.
so tired, my eyes are crying.
still need to write a "column" about dangerous cities/dangerous punks for tomorrow morning.
there's why I've been skipping this class for the past two weeks.
psychic friends opening happened and ben and I virtually attended from the courtyard of our hotel in paris.
I've been video chatting with random mica students throughout the day because people keep signing me into a video chat with the gallery space and it's awesome.
susan main spent 15 minutes in the psychic friends show staring at everything.
I wanna slow dance while listening to "little dreamer"
hey, can we somehow host a baltimore-mica-psychic friends prom for serious? I want to wear my awesome prom dress again.
I can't decide if I should give up on writing and go to sleep, or try to make some kind of bullshit.
ben isn't online to videochat, which is another reason I'm not already passed out.
I got these in the mail:
but not the polaroid film I ordered that was supposed to arrive last week.
I've got two photos on the last page of that magazine. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 7th, 2009|09:40 am] |
oooohhh the bullshit I make.
ffffffuuuuuuuu
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| fuck taking a crash course in dutch language, I need a crash course in how to make friends |
[Sep. 8th, 2009|03:27 pm] |
I don't think I've ever felt so lonely. ben doesn't have a phone I can call him on and it's too expensive to call home (not that my mom would pick up anyway). I just want to talk to someone but I don't have anything to talk about. there isn't a friend online. I sit in my room, refreshing my flickr and tumblr pages, occasionally finding a new image. I eat cereal and peanut butter sandwiches and drink milk that might be going bad. I feel sick more and more but I can't tell if it's all in my head. my stomach hurts when I eat much and I only want to drink water. I leave my room to go to a class where I make awkward conversation with the only people who will acknowledge me. I leave them to be alone as quickly as possible. I like them, but I don't know how to make that clear. am I really as off-putting or unapproachable as I seem to be? I know I'm barely into my second week here, but I felt so lonely at the international student meeting tonight.
how the fuck did I get so lucky in baltimore? how did I find these amazing friends? I don't think I took it for granted, but I never realized how hard it would be to leave and attempt to re-create what I have in baltimore (hint: it's not gonna happen). it's not so bad all the time. I don't mind walking around this city alone.
(to be honest, in the middle of writing this, nick signed on and I started talking to him. then ben signed on and I started to talk to him and I was able to calm down and clear my head a bit. not that I still don't feel that way, but I've got a bit more perspective on it all. I'm trying to be more proactive. I bought running shoes and went on my first run in years yesterday (still feeling the burn now). I ran around the lake north of where I live and it was really beautiful at sunset (however, that run was probably way too intense for a first run). tomorrow I meet with my advisor about finalizing my schedule and I am also going to ask her about counseling services in case these feelings continue/get worse. I've got a lot of homework to do for thursday which should keep me busy (should have kept me busy for the last week, but I know how I work) I've been assigned a "peer coach" who is some girl from sweden and she's invited her group of students out for drinks on friday and I really hope that happens and other students show up. I'm trying to figure out the possibilities of seeing algernon cadwallader while they're in europe because I have a 10-day euro rail pass. I missunderstood how the passes work and originally bought the pass for a trip to and from florence that would span about 10 days. but I now realize that I have 10 opportunities to use my pass to travel around my three countries of choice (benelux, germany, italy) in two months which makes my future look more exciting, but also makes the future look like a lot of train rides. could be worse.) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 26th, 2009|11:35 pm] |
new project!
I want to make you a friendship bracelet to express my feelings for you! I am making a whole lot for the opening of the psychic friends show at mica this november. however, I will make one just for you and send it to you/give it to you as long as you take a picture of yourself wearing it and send it to me. I pick the colors and the pattern. interested? email me at sir.emilyawesome [at] gmail.com
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| (no subject) |
[May. 26th, 2009|09:40 am] |
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in my dream last night, I was at the beach and in bolton hill at the same time. I was walking down mt royal with max and ben and my sister and it was dark and all these 12 o'clock boys started following us/kind of circling us and I was getting really nervous. then I noticed a 12 o'clock boy (he might have been a part of another gang) walking down the street making a gang sign with one hand and holding a bazooka-type gun in the other. then I got really nervous and we all went into the parking lot next to main but main was a big beach house and we huddled behind a fence and I told everyone to go upstairs and they did but really slowly and that just made me really mad so I whisper-yelled at them to hurry up. when we got to the top, we were at the beach, on a big porch and my dad's good friend was there chillin' with his family. none of us could get through to my parents and then I realized that I didn't have my phone or my backpack. |
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| weird dreams |
[May. 14th, 2009|11:59 am] |
I don't remember much from my first dream, but I was working at my old job because they really needed the help and I was really tired and annoyed and wanted to go home. I finally got off work and went to my car which was in this garage and I noticed that the radio was missing and I started to get really pissed. then, as I was putting my key in the ignition, some guy came over to me and told me to wait and opened my hood. I went out to see what was up and my engine was missing and I started freaking out and forced myself to wake up.
In the second dream, I was hanging out with some friends, I think, in some space-age hang-out-zone. then carey and neil came over and carey's foot was stuck in a big glass tumbler and I asked what happened but I don't remember his response except that he was really nonchalant (like, the glass was actually being used as a cast because he twisted his ankle or something), so I was like 'fuck this, I'm taking you to the hospital once I find some mystery person and my car' and then we started driving to the hospital and then I woke up.
today I need to find a job and get the rest of my bike parts. I need a job so I can pay for these bike parts and I need a bike to get to a job. hahh. anyone want to see the shins tomorrow? I've got 2 extra tickets maybe. |
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| accidental haiku |
[May. 2nd, 2009|10:45 am] |
where has this week gone?
where has this semester gone?
where has this week gone?
(are haikus allowed to repeat lines?) |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 26th, 2009|04:48 pm] |
it was so bright at work today that I now have a headache but that could be from not eating much of anything today also. my flashdrive has gone to some kind of flash-drive heaven, taking a lot of important files with it, but I bought a 500gb RED harddrive to replace it, so I guess all's not that bad. I went to a nice show at the frisby house last night. I think I may have figured out my packaging for gd2, now I just have to figure out surface graphics and I'm golden! yeah, one more day before that class! finals are weird this semester, they seemed really daunting until I figured out this box I just made, but they're still scary and I've got a lot of work to do and a lot of things to write. I also love my friends so much. everyone is really amazing and I can't get over it.
I think I might be losing it and I really really want to go back to bethlehem.
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 23rd, 2009|03:44 pm] |
my schedule that I probably won't be using next semester is pretty great.
monday-
no
tuesday-
screenprinting (9-3) with karvounis was closed, but I could probably get in it if I needed to
publication design! (4-10)
wednesday-
gd3 (8:30-2)
cultural studies (w. amy peterson) (4-6:45)
thursday-
art since 1960 (4-6:45)
friday-
DIY (9-3) |
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delawareareyou's journal
